I hate "the news". News is nothing more than information that is whacked out on crack cocaine. In that state, it adds little to the betterment of our society. News is to knowledge as the Newfoundland moose is to nutrition. Neither news nor the moose is absolutely necessary. Sure, they provide a little entertainment value and a few jobs, but in the big picture they probably do more harm than good. The comedic group, Buddy Wasisname's lovable character, Dicky Shea - The Townie Politician, had it right. "Get rid of the moose. Wipe'em out. What good are they? They don't pay taxes and they don't buy tickets to the Leaf games". He may of had 500,000 supporters had his next political pronouncement not have been that all of the baymen should be forced to move from the outports and live in the small spaces between the houses of the new developments in St. John's and Mount Pearl. Fiscally, he figured it was a wise move. When pressed about the infrastructure costs related to adding so many people to the suburbs, he replied it wasn't a problem - "The baymen can shit in the woods." Now that would be news worthy.
I'm a seeker of information. Information is knowledge and knowledge is power. Our daily newspaper, radio stations and TV news programs provide little in the way of useful information. The fact that a steroid junkie lost his cool and beat up a guy during a road rage incident is not information that increases my knowledge. The fact that a high profile St. John's lawyer seems to have an unusual relationship with a client in no way serves to make me smarter. These type of stories belong in the trashy gossip magazines. Wouldn't really useful information be something along the lines of: Which lawyer has the best chances of getting me off, even when I'm guilty? How about knowing which Judges are the softies and which ones will nail you to the wall. Surely there are statistics available for all of this type of stuff. Aren't these the things that people would benefit from knowing?
Our economy is often front and center on the news. The debate is raging about whether we are presently in a recession or will we soon fall into one. Some wind bag will appear on the tube or be quoted in the paper and provide a technical analysis of our GDP and the direction of the10 year T-bill rate. Who, the frig, cares! How one chooses to define our economy has absolutely no bearing on whether you can put food on the table and provide a good future for your family. What these educated financial geniuses think about the prospects of a repeat of a 1930's style recession is nothing more than one person's opinion. We all know the famous expression about opinions (if you don't, then I'm about to share) - Opinions are like ass-holes... everybody has one.
I was somewhat more vulgar today than usual. I apologize for that. Perhaps I am a little miffed that a major story these last few days has been that a yet-to-be named resident of Newfoundlander has won $21 million in last Saturday's 6-49 draw. By my definition, that is not news. That story does not provide me with any useful information or add to my knowledge of anything. It is a waste of good newsprint and of airtime.
If I had won the $21 million, then I would put the money to good use. I would start a 6 o'clock broadcast on TV that would be chalked full of real information and educational stories that bestow useful knowledge to the viewers of our fair province. I would call it the "Hour of Power". I would want to have a popular and well known face in front of the camera, so I'd try to get Dicky Shea to be the anchorman. Politicians would be allowed on the program only if they left their opinions at home. Rather than have one mindless politician after another on the program, like the present news shows do, it would probably be more informative to interview the despised moose to see how it has been coping with being #1 on the province's hit list. Another good story would be to investigate the health consequences of the mounds of human feces showing up in the woods surrounding the metro area. Pictures could be obtained to show how it gets "dumped" there. On second thought..... maybe too much knowledge is not such a good thing after all.
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