My dog, Jasper, is gone. I miss him. At only five years old, he should have been in the prime of his life. That all changed two years ago when we discovered that he had congestive heart failure. I don't believe dogs know that they are sick, certainly not in the same way that we humans do. What is clear, is that Jasper understood that he was slowing down. Over the last few months, he began to lag further and further behind on his walks. A few week ago, he sent me a silent message when, for the first time, he chose to remain on the deck and watch me and his recently adopted canine sister, Ruby, trek off into the woods. I kept looking behind to see if his black bear like figure would come lumbering through the trees and I stopped way more than normal to throw a stick for Ruby, but we remained alone.
Jasper's heart failed him. It's somewhat ironic that everyone who came to know him found a place for him in their hearts. Gentle and patient, he was one in a million. When he arrived in our lives from the pound it was his first birthday. Neighbourhood kids, who were previously leery of dogs, found a friend in Jasper and a new understanding that dogs can be trustworthy. This despite the fact that Jasper was twice the size of these kids.
Jasper lived at our house but he really belonged to the neighbourhood. It was not uncommon for him to make occasional visits to the homes of many of our rural neighbours. Lynda and I would often learn of such visits after the fact and often by accident. I think the neighbours were afraid that we'd tie Jasper on and they'd miss the chance to share him. We'd learn that Jasper routine went to visit for a half hour or so, have a treat or two and to curl up on their kitchen floors. Then, on his own, he'd ask to be let out and then head back home or on to say hello to another friend.
Jasper loved rocks, probably more than just about anything else. He learned that from a few years of palling around with my brother's golden retriever, Jack, who passed away earlier this year. Jasper took what he learned from Jack and went bigger. Bigger in a sense that Jasper's preferred rocks were boulders. Many of the ones he carried in his mouth on walks or lovingly licked were as big as his gigantic head. Only a dog of extreme intelligence would select a treat that was so plentiful and inexpensive.
As much as he loved rocks, Jasper hated moose. Just the mere mention of the word was enough to send him into a fit. I think his disdain for Bullwinkle and friends was more of a learned thing than it was instinctual. Jasper hadn't been with us very long when he encountered a young moose in the back yard. He ran up to investigate. His instincts told him to approach from behind, as surely such a big dog would have huge teeth. Mr. Moose was not impressed by Jasper's stealth nor worried enough to run back into the woods. What he did do was unleash a rear legged kick that literally grazed the side of Jasper's head. As I watched, speechless, Jasper bolted back the way he came, tail between his legs, and ran right into the secure confines of his dog house. Since that day, Jasper has had one on one discussions with many moose. He never again got close to those long hind legs. I guess he realized that they pack quite a bite.
Last Saturday, Jasper was with me in the yard as I was burning some brush. He was noticeably frail, but he still had enough energy to ask that I throw a smallish rock a few times for him to retrieve. When I finished up that afternoon, Jasper was nowhere to be seen, which is not unusual. I became worried when he didn't come home that night, as that never happened before. Lynda and I searched the surrounding woods, but to no avail. I awoke early Sunday morning and still no sign of him. It was a brutal weather day, with cold rain being driven by strong winds off the ocean. I looked out the window and could not hold back the tears. I asked out loud to no one, "Jasper, where are you?". A few minutes later I was putting on my rain clothes when mom called up from downstairs. Jasper was at her door. Lynda and I ran down to find one very wet and sickly dog. We hugged him, dried him, and hugged him some more. I even managed to give him his heart medication, although for the first time he fought me as I tried to do so. Lynda and I tried to get him to eat, but he wouldn't. We tried to get him to lie down on his bed, but he wouldn't. Jasper asked to go outside. He stood in front of the house for a few minutes, with Lynda keeping watch. Suddenly, he was gone. We haven't seen him since. I am so thankful for those few extra minutes he gave us on Sunday morning. For whatever reason, I no longer worried about him after that.
Jasper died as he lived - with grace and dignity. I had planned to take him to the vet on Monday, Christmas Eve, for a final needle. I'm not sure if I could have gone through with it. Jasper spared me from having to make that decision. From what I have read, it is not unusual for some dogs to go away to die. They see themselves as being a burden to the pack. As they no longer contribute to the pack, they realize that the best thing is to go away.
Lynda and I continue to search for Jasper. We know he is dead, but we just would like to know where he chose to go. I believe I will eventually find his last resting place. It's sure to be by the biggest rock he could find.
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Update: June, 2013:
My last story was about my dog, Jasper, and how we suspected he had gone off to die. We last saw Jasper on December 23rd. Well, about a month ago, Jasper's skeletal remains were found in the woods very close to our house. It was comforting to know he was nearby during his last hours and minutes and that he could probably see and hear those who loved him most. I buried him not far from where he was found. His grave is adorned with many of the very same rocks that we used to play fetch with him. Of all of the pets we've owned, Jasper is the only one buried on our property (unless you count the many goldfish that are somewhere in our septic field). We have Ruby now. She actually came to us from the pound last September. She's a wonderful dog and has fit into our family quite nicely. We have discovered that Avery is very often distracted by Ruby's cuteness. Sure Ruby is great, but I will always have a soft spot for Jasper, the big guy.
