I am presently in Florida. No, I am not telling you I am half a continent away so that any would-be B&E artists amongst you can violate the sanctity of my home. I respect my readers too much to even think that. Also, I recruited the kid from Home Alone to house sit (the one from the first two movies, as he was definitely more creative and vicious than those in the umpteenth sequels.
I share my geo-location only because it is relevant to the telling of this story. Even more relevant is the company I am keeping. Of course Lynda, Kendall and Avery are here, but joining us on this adventure are: my mom (Grammie); my mom-in-law (Nanny); and Lynda's brother, Adam West (Batman).
My stories almost always result from the things people do or say. That is what I find most compelling. People never fail to disappoint. They always provide excellent material. You just have to watch and listen. Of course, it doesn't hurt to stir the pot sometimes either, just to make the story in waiting that much more tasty, albeit not necessarily more tasteful. I digress. Here are a couple of incidents from early in our vacation, compliments of my daughter Kendall and Grammie. I have labelled them as Funny and Not So Funny, but whether they are is ultimately up to you. I am but the messenger.
Funny
All seven of us were on the can't miss ride, It's a Small World. I think it looked exactly the same as when I first came to Disney in 1972. Surely the words to that song become implanted in everyone who rides in those boats on rails and to all who become entranced by the vivid colours and the global, heart warming theme of the experience. Everyone in our boat, as well as those folks nearby, were all quiet, perhaps even reflective. That was when the silence was broken by my 13 year old daughter. She loudly exclaimed, with partial disgust and iPhone in hand, "Hey! There's no WiFi down here.". She has a point, it is supposed to be a small world after all.
Not So Funny
Typhoon Lagoon took on No Holds Barred Grammie and won the day. Determined to do whatever rides her granddaughters do, and do them better, Grammie donned her not-so-bikini after a six year absence from all things swimming. She warmed up well. The Swirling Beast was no match for her tenacity. In retrospect, riding on top of an inflatable rubber life raft perhaps should not be considered such a mean feat.
All seven of us were on the can't miss ride, It's a Small World. I think it looked exactly the same as when I first came to Disney in 1972. Surely the words to that song become implanted in everyone who rides in those boats on rails and to all who become entranced by the vivid colours and the global, heart warming theme of the experience. Everyone in our boat, as well as those folks nearby, were all quiet, perhaps even reflective. That was when the silence was broken by my 13 year old daughter. She loudly exclaimed, with partial disgust and iPhone in hand, "Hey! There's no WiFi down here.". She has a point, it is supposed to be a small world after all.
Not So Funny
Typhoon Lagoon took on No Holds Barred Grammie and won the day. Determined to do whatever rides her granddaughters do, and do them better, Grammie donned her not-so-bikini after a six year absence from all things swimming. She warmed up well. The Swirling Beast was no match for her tenacity. In retrospect, riding on top of an inflatable rubber life raft perhaps should not be considered such a mean feat.
With confidence assured, Grammie
followed along as we ascended the many steps to the top of the next adventure -
a virtual free fall down a tube of white water.
No rubber rafts this time.
Grammie was equipped only with her wits and her millennium era swim
suit. I made sure to precede Grammie so
I would be able to capture the spectacle of her splashdown. Instead, what I saw was my 75 year old mother
arriving at the splash pool at the end of the "ride" and remaining submerged and
remaining submerged and.....
Grammie reminded me of Jack, as he followed the Titantic to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean,
arms waving, no panic to be seen, just acceptance. I watched, waiting for her to standup - the
pool was about 30 inches deep, but she didn't, and she didn't and she
didn't. My mom was drowning!
As Batman looked on, I jumped in front of the lifeguard, who was
not doing that job at that particular moment, and pulled my mom from the not so icy
depths. She was unflappable. Grammie said she thought it was all just part
of the ride, although she said she couldn't have held her breath any
longer. There's no way Grammie would
ever surrender to fear or a near death experience. For her, it was, "What ride are we doing
next?". Unflappable! I put my glasses back on, tucked my cape back into my Speedo, checked in my superego, and returned to being just another nameless face in the crowd.
If there's a lesson here, it is that Grammie needs to learn, that when submerged, to be a bit more "flappable". At least a little bit so that the lifeguard will notice. We don't want to lose the one and only Grammie. A world without Grammie would be a too small world after all.
The End
About the Author
Jim continues to vacation in Florida, where there is no snow. Earlier today he received a call from his lawyer. Apparently, he is being sued by both the propane delivery guy and the NL Power meter reader. Each sustained significant injuries while approaching the Nixon house over the previous two days. The perpetrator is reported to be a 30 something year old male, who says his name is Kevin McAllister. The police [presently have my house surrounded and are trying to get him to come out. The cops say they may use water cannons, but it's a last resort because it has a history of not working. (No kidding! Can you say - Leo Crockwell?) My lawyer tells me that everything will be okay, after all, Kevin is Home Alone.
